"Or was it crumbling long before?" I think the answer to that one is yes, Beast. Being abused during your formative years makes you more likely to enter into abusive relationships as an adult, which often results in tragic ends. In this case, the pain of your life led you to giving up your heart and humanity, and as you've since discovered, that didn't really fix anything. You may be nowhere near the time and place where you started, but your mind is still trapped there, even so. It will take more than this contract to help you move on from it.